NA`VI Weekly: Episode 3

Another Sunday, another weekly review with Natus Vincere. This time you'll find out why Kuroky didn't like our keyboard, what problems we can face in G-1, where our boss' inspiration comes from. As usual, we will measure team's success for the week with the sink-meter! Let's go.

So, we're gonna start with whinning Kuroky's message about his keyboard at Techlabs 2013 in Moscow. He told us that it didn't comply with the high technological standards of Germany residents. We requested a special keyboard for Kuroky from SteelSeries headquarters:




How do you like our Darth Vader's MSPaint mad skills? 81st level! Ok, it was a joke. The real fact is that the German keyboards have a special layout. Germans have 'Z' where most other nations have 'Y'. Unexpectedly, some jokes like this one acquire a new meaning. What do we take away from this story? For most nations it's "correct layout" while for the Germans it's "Die richtige Verteilung" (c) Google Translate.


Let's get back to G1-League qualifier. As you already know, team Natus Vincere will start playing in the second stage. We pray to God for that our opponent's wouldn't be an American team. The thing is, the server for the matches against American and European teams will be different. They're gonna play on a European server first, then at an American one. Need a third map? No big deal - let's take a coin flip. Life is a cruel thing, but Chinese organizers think it isn't cruel enough, so they make things even more complicated for the DotA2-players who strive to get a chance to compete in China. They think it's not enough to be the best. For them, it's also important to be "ping-resistant", so to speak. No separate qualifiers for Europe and the US. What have we learned from this paragraph? The Chinese possess some very special sense of humor.


Do you remember how Na`Vi went to Techlabs 2013 in Moscow? Yeah, we try to forget that, too. Some people do a better job at it than the others. This funny picture from our Facebook page should look pretty familiar to you. After it was take, the events developed very quickly. Dendi, XBOCT and ZeroGravity went to ZeroGravity's place where they decided to drink a little bit of whiskey. They drank a little bit. Then a little bit more. Then even more... until there was no more whiskey in ZeroGravity's bar, so the guys tried to switch to vodka just fell asleep! When we got the first message from Dendi after that, he was asking for an explanation what the hell happened there, because he couldn't remember a damn thing. After half an hour of expert advices like "learn how to drink whiskey, son", Dendi was finally advised to look into his own mobile phone's gallery. What's the moral of the story? Don't drink alcohol with Natus Vincere managment, especially when the management is about seven foot tall in height.


While Dendi is getting his first pass in a club called "Whiskey-holics Anonymous", we're going to watch yet another edition of Markeloff's "I teach you how to kill with AWP" guide. This time you'll learn the basics of using "the big green" in CS:GO while playing the desert of de_dust2_se. Markeloff will teach you how to get your gun ready even in the most heated deserts. It will definitely boost your success among the hot girls of Maasai tribe the other AWP fans. Haven't learned anything from this paragraph? Watch the video!



While you're learning how to use AWP, we're moving forward and now we'll take a look at the most important media-event of the last week - a video about Natus Vincere losing in 1\8 at DHS 2012 Na`Vi's DotA2 roster. Darth Vader approves this video and considers the authors to be very funny guys, so he's gonna kill them last. Despite, AA and Lost being cut from the video, the video preserved its charm because of English-speaking Clement. As a result, we doubled our female viewership on our Youtube-channel. Behold:



Money-loving managers of Natus Vincere couldn't miss this opportunity, so you're gonna see SteelSeries mousepads, posters and keyrings with the naked torso of team's captain very soon. This offer will be limited to a couple of hundreds of copies, so we decided to arrange the pre-order. You can pre-order here. What have we learned from this text? Puppey is so-o-o-o cool.


No doubt, you must have noticed the recent activity of our boss in terms of blogging. While our translation department sobs from the increased amount of work, we'll tell you that it's just the beginning. When we told ZeroGravity how popular his post really are, he decided to start a blog. Fortunately, our censors declined most of his posts (especially, the one which colorfully described his drinking endeavors with Dendi and XBOCT), but some texts made it to the site and became ones of the most popular blog posts in world's history (I was forced to write this). What have we learned from this post? Our boss is a genius story-teller (this was written under a threat of leaving me without my monthly salary).


Ok, let's move on and look how Natus Vincere did in tournaments. Despite that last week we haven't that many exciting tournaments, DotA2-guys forced their haters to come out of their crypts (or where those suckers live). It's about Eizo Cup where the team almost slipped in the quarterfinal, and then massively crashed down, thanks to Furion. The level of painfulness of this event could be measured by numerous comments like FOR HOW LONG WILL THIS BE HAPPENING? Thanks to this news, we've found out that DotA2 is a family game because every kid wants to share the achievements with his parents, even if the achievements aren't of his own:




What have we learned from the story? It's time to tell mom show some tactics!


While everyone was discussing what else mom should be told, we continued to act like Captain Obvious and released yet another video with a detailed review of the match with Natus Vincere against Team Liquid.


We're glad that most of the community possess a high level of understanding of competing DotA2. This should cause the creation of over9k new teams in CIS which will be able to destroy the Chinese without even leaving the base.



What have we learned from the video? Every visitor of has Dendi inside at the very least.


As they say, the trouble does not come alone. CS:GO team's paricipation in CPH Games unexpectedly turned into a drama. Since the subject was discussed by just about everyone in the community, I can only add that using kitchen tables as desks in eSports in 2013 is really something.



What have we learned from the story? Have some old kitchen table to throw away? You better send it to Denmark! As a bonus, you'll get the information about ZeroGravity's mobile phone and his passion for the Japanese food.


One of the last topics in today's review will be the video-clip about DotA2 The Origin. Our video-editor proved himself to be Tarantino of DotA2 and reminded the community that ones of the best videos in the world are uploaded to the Internet from CIS. Watch it:



Learned anything from the video? Yes, the captions could be epic not only in the movies with Jacky Chan!


Tired of reading this wall of text? Me too. So, let's get right to the last news and the sink-meter. Na`Vi's "beloved" air company AirFrance lost all the luggage during CS:GO team's flight back home. All the devices of the team were lost. As you remember, the guys will have to play in Starladders finals in a couple of days. What can we say? AirFrance, burn in hell!


As usual, we have the sink-meter for the dessert. Last week, Natus Vincere immersed 3 meters under the surface. Will we go deeper this time? Or will we finally see the sunlight? Follow the sink-meter stats to find out!




Level of immersion

Last week's standing

↓3 meters

Keyboard for Kuroky

↑1 meter

Dendi meets whiskey

↑5 meters

Lessons for using "The Big Green" from Markeloff

↑1 meter

Best DotA2 documentary

↑3 meters

Mousepads with Clement's naked torso

↑100500 priceless

Boss took up the pen

↑1 meter

Not pushing NTH enough

↓23 meters

Explaining the key aspects of the match

↑2 meters

Finally beating Fnatic in CS:GO

↑5 meters

Pulling out of the tournament to express the protest

↑5 meters

Making better captions than Jacky Chan has

↑3 meters

Losing all the luggage

↓1 meter


1 meter


Despite the fierce strokes and willing to rise to the surface, stupid defeat in a match versus No Tidehunter firmly holds Natus Vincere underwater. Don't agree with the sink-meter? Welcome to the ban the comments if you want to lift Na`Vi closer to the sun or bring them down deeper to the bottom. Tell us what you think, and if you're good enough we will add your criteria to the sink-meter!

P.S.: In the text of this article there is an allusion to a movie. Have you guessed it? Tell us in the comments!

AuthorXeozor Date 1 April 2013, 13:31 Views10906 Comments7
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